Tuesday, August 28, 2007

God opens doors, I open my legs

My dear friend's father recently passed away. He'd been sick for quite a long time, so although it doesn't make it any less tragic, at least he time to live every day like it was his last and enjoy his family for a few melancholy months..

The funeral was beautiful; scriptures were read, folk music was played, and a lovely slideshow gave us a little glimpse into the lives of a once happy family...

My question is: Is it normal to think about sex at a funeral?

As we sat there honoring a man who lived a colorful and spiritual life, all I could think of was getting my pussy pounded by Hottie McHotterson (a.k.a.. Gym Guy). I know it's wrong.. I just couldn't help myself! While the Reverend was asking for God to open His doors, I was fantasizing about Gym Guy opening my legs.

The service went on for almost 2 hours. By the end of it, I was so revved up and ready to go that I bolted to find the nearest bathroom just so I could wipe away the wetness that had been building up inside me. I was slightly turned on by the naughtiness of the situation. Fortunately, I resisted the urge to get myself off in the bathroom of a funeral home. I do have some morals when it comes to exhibitionism.

Should I feel guilty? Should I feel weird? I'm sure I'm not the only one who's mind had drifted away. Funerals aren't exactly the most pleasant experiences. Would it have been better if I were thinking about what bills needed to be paid or that I needed to get back to work for a 1:00 p.m. meeting? I'm guessing this sort of thing is what makes funerals so awkward in the first place...

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